Boys often don’t tell anyone or report it when they’re being abused by their girlfriends because they feel ashamed and emasculated. If you’re being abused by your girlfriend, or you know someone who is, these tips will help you on your road to healing.
Admit the Problem to Yourself
Admitting there’s a problem is easy, but identifying it often isn’t. You feel let down that the one that you love is hurting you, and at the same time you feel ashamed. Deep down you feel like you must have done something really wrong to deserve this, or that there must be something really wrong with you.
There isn’t. There’s something wrong with your girlfriend. Whether she’s physically, verbally, or mentally abusing you, or even all three, the problem is not you.
Recognize the Patterns
After an abusive cycle where she’s hitting you, controlling you, calling you names, or insulting you and putting you down, she’ll immediately go into a loving cycle, the honeymoon cycle, where she’ll promise you the moon.
She’ll tell you how sorry she is and that it will never happen again. She thinks she’s telling you the truth, and in her own mind she is… Until the next time rolls around…
Talk to Someone
It’s hard to open up when you’re hurting in so many ways. But, if you can get the problem out in the open, you can get your support system in place and get on the road to healing. Talking to a close friend, your parents, or a school counselor is a good place to start.
If somebody recognizes what you’re going through and says something to you about it, man up and be open about it. Be grateful that they cared enough to notice the signs and see the changes in you and your behavior. Once you "out" the true nature of your relationship, you will feel the weight of the world lift off your shoulders.
End the Relationship
The best and smoothest road to healing and your future is to end the relationship. Don’t think you can change her, or save her, or make everything better. It won’t happen. Things will get far worse before they ever get better.
If you do decide that you absolutely have to stay in the relationship (please don't), set ground rules. Make sure she knows that you have a zero abuse tolerance policy going forward, and that if she abuses you in any way you will end the relationship immediately and have her charged. If she breaks the rules, follow through.
Having Her Charged
Having her charged is one of the hardest things for a guy, second only to telling someone about the abuse in the first place. But, if the abuse continues or if it’s severe, you can’t let it continue. You might not think she’s going to do anything crazy, but nobody expected little Jodi Arias to kill Travis Alexander.
She proved herself capable of stabbing him several times and shooting him in the face. This isn’t intended to scare anyone – it’s just to point out that you don’t know what someone else is capable of. Someone who is abusive is unfeeling and lacking in empathy.
They aren’t thinking about your feelings or the fact that you’re even human at all. All they are thinking about is their power over you. Don’t give her that, EVER. Swallow your pride and call the police. You haven’t done anything wrong, she has. Don’t be a victim and don’t be a statistic. Be a survivor.
If you’re being abused by your girlfriend, take control of your life back today and get on the road to healing for a better tomorrow. If your friend’s girlfriend abuses them, reach out to them, and show them that you care.