Just because you’re not walking around with a black eye doesn’t mean that your partner isn’t abusive. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is doing any of these things, it’s a sure sign that you’re in an abusive or controlling relationship.
Keeping You Away from Your Family and Friends
They want you to spend all your time with them. They’ll prevent you from spending time with people you love and participating in activities you enjoy. Even if they don’t make it obvious at first, they’ll make it impossible for you to spend time with anybody else. They’ll come up with excuse after excuse to make you feel bad enough to cancel your plans.
Constantly Keeping Tabs on You
This partner calls you several times a day, to find out exactly where you are and who you’re talking to. They’re determined to make sure you don’t go anywhere they don’t want you to. If you do go somewhere they don’t approve of, they’ll make sure you think of them every few minutes the entire time you’re away.
Taking Control of Your Money
Sometimes an abuser will make you give them all your money every time you get paid. They’ll tell you it’s because you’re too irresponsible to handle it, or that something bad will happen to them like getting their hydro cut off, if you don’t.
Alternatively, they might make you buy them expensive things so that you never have any money left over for yourself. By controlling your finances, they can control whether or not you leave a relationship.
Constantly Puts You Down and Calls You Names
Abusing you emotionally creates an almost self-fulfilling prophesy for the abuser. They want to wear you down to nothing until you get to the place where you honestly believe they are all you have. The more a person gets told that they’re worthless the more they start to believe they really do deserve to be treated badly.
Your partner might act charming in public making everyone think they’re the perfect person for you. They want to make sure no one will believe you, if you decide to confide in them. Or, you might have the outwardly abusive partner who demeans you publicly. In that case, you probably don’t feel comfortable being around your family and friends with your partner, in case your relationship gets outed.
Stops Using Birth Control, or Orders You to Stop Taking Yours
This isn’t a case where a pregnancy occurs because of a broken condom. This is a deliberate attempt to either get pregnant, or get you pregnant so they can ensure that you’ll always be tied directly to them. Remember, it only takes one missed pill to tie you to someone for at least the next 18 years.
Threatens to Kill Themselves Every Time You Threaten to Leave
This tactic plays into your emotional heartstrings. They believe you still have feelings toward them, and they can win you back. They’ll play on that to sway you back into the relationship and into the abusive cycle. They don’t have any intentions of harming themselves at all.
If your partner is doing this, pick up the phone, dial 9-1-1 and tell the operator that your ex just threatened to kill themselves because you were ending the relationship and walk out the door. You’ll get the break you need, and your ex will get the mental help they need.
Sometimes you need to know when it’s time to turn the page or close the book on a relationship. If you’re in an abusive relationship, reach out to your family and friends for support, and close the door on that relationship forever.